How Long Does it Take to Heal?

Sometimes people have specific expectations of being able to heal within a certain amount of time. We’re in pain, obviously, because of the unhealed parts of ourselves and all that this leads to, so we’re desperate to get out of that pain as quickly as possible.

The irony, however, is that real healing isn’t about escaping our pain as quickly as possible; it’s about learning how to be okay with wherever we’re at, even when we’re dealing with that discomfort. It is through feeling our discomfort—without fear and resistance—that we actually manage to heal the things we’re trying to overcome.

We don’t heal by running away from the pain. We heal by leaning into it, because it is the process of feeling that discomfort that allows it to finally move through us and get processed.

So, sometimes, when I’m working with clients, they start seeing a bunch of progress almost immediately, but then we run into the next layer of self-doubt or resistance, which is the desperate need to attain a certain outcome in a certain amount of time. But that too is just resistance. The very same resistance that we’re trying to heal.

And when it comes to this healing, for some reason, people believe that it should just be a quick, one-and-done, instantaneous kind of healing. But that’s not how you would approach the biggest tasks in your life.

How long do you think it should take to become a black belt in Karate? Do you think that you should be able to achieve that in a month? Two months? Even a year?

It takes ten years just to become a master sushi chef… but you’re expecting to completely heal all of your inner wounds within a matter of weeks?

As we do this healing, we get stronger and stronger each and every day. Every moment that we allow ourselves to sit with and process an emotion, we’re healing… we’re getting stronger… we’re getting closer and closer to the version of ourselves that we’re trying to be. But there’s always more to learn and more growth to be had.

This healing is like working out. You don’t work out so that you "finish your physical training." It’s not like once you can lift 100 pounds, you’re never going to have to work out again. You keep doing it so that you can keep getting stronger and stronger. And as you get stronger, the lighter weights become easier to lift and the heavier weights start becoming liftable.

The same is true for our emotional healing. The stronger you get, the less that the things that used to trigger you have the ability to trigger you, and you start becoming able to handle bigger triggers with even more calm and confidence.

So, instead of trying to "finish" your healing, just focus on using every challenge as an opportunity to get stronger.

This is the mentality that you will need in order to continue growing to the greatest and most authentic version of you.

But no matter how strong we become, the healing is never "completely finished," any more than you can ever "finish" working on your physical fitness. It’s an ongoing process so that you can be as healthy as possible.