Time Alone Doesn't Heal.

We’ve all heard the expression that “time heals all wounds.”

While there is some truth in that statement, I think there’s also a falsehood that leads people very far astray.

It is certainly true that when we are hurt by something (when we are triggered by life’s painful circumstances) it takes a certain amount of time for us to process those emotions. This amount of time is known as a “refractory period.” It is the amount of time it takes for the body to work through the emotional discomfort that’s happening.

When we experience grief or rejection or judgment or anything of the sort, we can’t just force the emotion away, no matter how skilled we are in the realm of emotional fitness. Grief, in particular, is a great example, because there is no sense in which—for any normal person who is not, say, the freaking Buddha—it’s not supposed to hurt.

Loss is real. Grief is real. We are not meant to just push it away. You should feel the pain of loss because it is completely human to feel that loss.

As the Buddha would point out, life is suffering, and that suffering is caused by attachment coupled with the very real impermanence of everything that exists. We get attached to people, and when those people leave our lives, it is fully normal to hurt.

The issue here is that during that period of grief, where it naturally hurts, we are supposed to actively feel the pain of the grief. That’s where Emotional Fitness comes in. We are not supposed to run from it, push it away, or try to numb it.

During the refractory period, your body and your mind are trying to work through something. If you run from the discomfort, you don’t allow yourself to properly process it.

In that case, you end up stuffing it away, subconsciously telling yourself, “Hold on to this pain and I’ll come back around and deal with it later when we’re safe.”

It is during that refractory period, when we are triggered, that we need the skills, tools, and strength of emotional mastery, because that is when the emotions are right there, at the surface, ready to be dealt with.

If we push it away during that time, it becomes much harder to dig it up later. It solidifies inside of us and gets buried.

Then, when we get triggered again, that’s another opportunity to deal with it, but we sense that triggering as a threat and continue to stuff it away.

It’s a vicious cycle.

We need to build the strength and skills to fearlessly confront our uncomfortable emotions without getting stuck in cycles of numbing, running, blaming, judging, or overthinking.

When you have developed those muscles, you can go through some of the worst pain and grief that this world has to offer with a sense of calm, trust, and peace while processing the big emotions that are trying to run through you so that they don’t get buried and stuck inside of you, ultimately causing more problems for you to run from in the future.

That’s what true emotional fitness is all about. And that’s what I’m here, teaching people every day.

If you’re ready to build those emotional muscles and develop the emotional fitness to handle life’s greatest challenges with ease… reach out. I’m here.

Best and love,

Benjy