Address the Present.

When it comes to emotional healing, most people think that we need to dig deep into our past and unearth every painful memory in order to heal. They think that healing trauma means focusing on the traumatic memory itself, replaying it, and analyzing it.

But here's the thing: the pain and unresolved problems from our past are already presenting themselves to us right here, right now. Not as memories. But as habits and patterns that keep us stuck.

All of our defense mechanisms – the ways we people please, push people away, or hold back from expressing ourselves – those are the current manifestations of our past trauma. Those are the wounded parts of you yelling “Hi! Here I am! You promised me you were going to deal with me when you were safe! Are you safe? Are you ready to deal with me?”

Every time you catch yourself holding back in a conversation, fearing judgment, or striving to please others at the expense of your own needs, you're experiencing the echo of past pain. You’re feeling a familiar discomfort to a time when you were hurt for fully expressing yourself and you’re remembering that you learned not to do that… to keep yourself safe. These reactions are your mind and body's way of protecting you from getting hurt again. But in doing so, they keep you stuck in a cycle of avoidance and discomfort.

The key to breaking this cycle isn't to go back and relive every painful experience. Instead, it's about building the muscle to confront the discomfort you feel in the present moment. When you feel that urge to please others, or when you notice yourself retreating into old defense mechanisms, that's your cue. That's the moment to pause, take a deep breath, and sit with the discomfort.

By confronting these feelings head-on, you're effectively addressing the root of the issue. You're telling your mind and body that it's safe to feel these emotions, that you don't need to run from them. Over time, as you practice this, you'll find that the intensity of these reactions diminishes. You're rewiring your brain to respond differently, breaking the old patterns that have kept you stuck.

Imagine your emotional healing journey as a workout. Just like building physical strength requires repeated practice and consistency, so does building emotional strength. Every time you face your discomfort instead of avoiding it, you're strengthening your emotional muscles. And just like in a workout, the more you practice, the stronger you become.

The beauty of this approach is that it empowers you to heal in the here and now. You don't need to dig up old wounds; you simply need to respond to what's happening in the present. It's a practical, actionable way to move forward. And the more you practice, the more you'll find that those old wounds lose their power over you.

In my work with clients, this is a fundamental principle. We focus on the present moment, on the feelings and reactions that arise right now. We explore how these are connected to past experiences without needing to delve into the past itself. By doing this, we can break free from the hold that past trauma has on our lives.

Remember, emotional healing isn't about revisiting every painful memory. It's about learning to navigate the present moment with grace and resilience. It's about recognizing that the discomfort you feel now is an opportunity for growth. By building the muscle to confront this discomfort, you resolve the trauma without needing to address the past directly.

That’s why I call my approach “Emotional Fitness Training”.