That’s Not the REAL You!

When we're young, way before the age where our memories start to stick, we go through experiences that shape us. We experience some pain and learn to avoid it. We receive praise for something and learn to double down on that behavior… We learn lessons that we build habits and patterns around.

These experiences, especially the unpleasant ones, teach us how to navigate the world and the habits and patterns we develop in response to those early experiences become a part of who we are. They turn into our default settings, our automatic responses. As we grow up, these learned behaviors get so ingrained that we stop questioning them. They become invisible parts of our personality, guiding our actions and decisions without us even realizing it.

Now, fast forward to adulthood. We carry these habits and patterns with us, but we don't remember where they came from. We might think, "Oh, I'm just naturally cautious," or "I'm not good at taking risks," without understanding that these traits are actually learned responses from our past. They aren't inherently who we are; they're the results of our early attempts to protect ourselves from pain.

The tricky part is that because we don't remember the origins of these behaviors, we tend to accept them as unchangeable parts of our identity. We think, "This is just who I am," and we don't question it. But the truth is, these are learned traits. And just as they were learned, they can be unlearned.

Understanding this can be incredibly liberating. It means that we're not stuck with these patterns forever. We have the power to change them. It starts with recognizing that these habits are not truly "us" – they're just our brain's way of trying to keep us safe. Once we see that, we can begin the work of unlearning them.

We can challenge these old patterns, step out of our comfort zones, and start forming new habits that better serve our current selves. It takes effort and self-awareness, but it's absolutely possible. Remember, our past shapes us, but it doesn't define us. We have the power to rewrite our stories, to become the people we truly want to be. It all starts with the ability to really take stock of where you are and to develop the strength and skills to start paving a new path.