Seeking Approval and Understanding.

Oftentimes, when people look down on you, judge you, or fail to understand you in any way, you might be thinking that you want vindication… that you need them to understand you so that you can finally forgive and move on.

But I promise you, that’s not at all what’s really happening.

You think that you want them to understand you, but that's not really it.

What's actually going on is that you're looking for the confidence to be yourself. You're seeking permission to be yourself and you're waiting for others to understand you in order to feel like it's safe for you to be that version of yourself. It's normal. Completely. But it's an externalization of our built-up fear of judgment and rejection. In the past, we've been made to feel bad for being and expressing ourselves, so we feel the need for other people to understand us because that will make it ok to be ourselves.

But... What if they never understand? If these people in particular will never understand? Will you never feel free to be yourself?

The thing is that these particular people may never understand you, but there are likely others that will. But NO-ONE will understand you until you learn to understand yourself and feel free to express yourself fully, confidently, peacefully, whether you are understood or not. Because not being understood triggers you into this anger which takes you further and further away from the core version of yourself that is actually seeking to be expressed.

Another thing is... why get angry at someone for not understanding something? They LITERALLY do not understand. Would you get mad at a 5 year old for not understanding complex quantum physics? You're interpreting their lack of understanding as some intentional slight against you, but they literally just do... not... understand. Why should someone's lack of understanding upset us?

Besides which, their understanding or lack thereof is completely separate from your emotional reaction, and your anger... your bitterness... your judgment... just doesn't feel good. So, why are you waiting for them to change in order to learn how to be happy? You need to bring yourself back inside and focus on your emotional reaction.

You can keep on justifying your anger towards them if you want, but...

Do you want to keep justifying your anger? Or do you want to overcome it?